Jaded issue #8

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Ok so “hate” is kind of a strong word… but let’s be honest, we’ve all said it in those getting-ready mirror meltdowns.

“I hate my body.”

“I hate how I look.”

“I hate my hair.”

“I hate everything in my closet.”

“I hate my outfit.”

“I hate this night.”

“I hate myself.”

“I hate my life.”

Those are direct quotes from yours-truly. I don’t think there’s a single woman who hasn’t been there…standing in front of the mirror, tears welling but don’t want to ruin the mascara, feeling like nothing looks good, and the night is already ruined. And then, of course, our friends try to reassure us.

“You look great.”

“You’re overthinking it.”

“You literally look fine.”

“OMG we have to go.”

“You are being dramatic.”

If you’ve felt this way, you’re not annoying, dramatic, or ugly….you are literally just a girl. As women, our confidence naturally ebbs and flows, and hormones play a big role in that. And instead of seeing “hormonal” as a bad thing, I see it as a reminder of how deeply connected we are to our bodies. Fluctuations are normal. Shifts in how we feel about ourselves are normal. Confidence coming and going is also normal.

Some days, it comes easily. We feel hot. We feel sexy. We are ready to take over the world. Other days, it feels impossible. We want the lights off. We want baggy clothes only. We want literally no one to look in our direction (including ourselves). And while I’ll be diving into the cycle and hormones in another post, today I want to focus on this moment: the one where you’re in your room, staring at your closet, tears in your eyes, feeling like nothing fits and nothing looks right.

Here’s what to do when you’re there.

Step 1: Pause. Breathe. Walk Away.
Stop fussing, tugging, or spiraling in front of the mirror. Take five deep breaths and physically step out of the room. Remove yourself from the scene of the crime.

Step 2: What You See Isn’t the Truth.
Your brain loves to tell you lies. Literally it lies all the time. Right now, it’s screaming that you look like a troll and should crawl under a bridge. You don’t. You never have. Remind yourself: my brain lies to me a lot… like, a lot.

Step 3: Real Talk (Sorry but) No One Cares About You That Much.
SORRY SORRY SORRY…This might sound harsh, but it’s freeing to know that no one is analyzing you the way you analyze yourself. Think about it… when was the last time you fixated on how bad a stranger looked at a bar? Exactly. You don’t. You probably don’t even know what that means. (And if someone does, that says way more about them than it does about you.)

Step 4: Pick a Safety Outfit.
Every woman should have at least three “safety outfits” as I like to call them. These are the pieces that never fail, always feel like you, and calm your head down. Sure, maybe it’s basic. Who cares? The point is that you feel fine in it.

Step 5: Find Gratitude in the Night Ahead.
Shift the focus girl. Think of three things you’re grateful for about the night ahead. Maybe it’s your best friend’s birthday. Maybe the bar makes your favorite cocktail. Maybe you can’t wait for the DJ. Because here’s the truth: there’s more to life than how you look. Life is lived outside of your head…not trapped in it. (Scary place sometimes in there I know)

Oh also my most important step:

Step 6: Stop the Pictures. STOP!!!!!!!!!
Nothing will ruin your night faster than taking 200 photos and hating all of them. The lighting is trash, the angle is weird, and your camera is literally not a mirror. Stop zooming in, stop analyzing your arm in the corner, stop asking for “just one more.” You look fine. No one is waiting for your post. (Sorry again but it is the truth)….

Here’s proof:

Final Thoughts

So take it from me …someone who’s been in this exact spiral more times than I’d like to admit. When this happens ask your girlfriends for help. Sometimes it’s as simple as letting them pick another outfit for you… or pouring you another drink. (Not very dietitian of me but who cares)

The mirror lies. Your brain lies. Your body is allowed to fluctuate, (SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY) and life keeps moving whether you obsess in front of the mirror or not. Gratitude helps. De-centering yourself helps even more.

And at the end of the day? Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it.

Hope this helps!

xoxo

Olivia Jade