Jaded Issue #10

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If I hear one more influencer say “balance your hormones” while waving around a $100 greens powder, I might just lose it (again). Let’s be real: hormones aren’t a trend. They’re not something you “hack” with a single product, a quick fix, or a magic supplement from Target. They’re chemical messengers — and they’re running the whole damn show of your body and your life.

Your skin, your hair, your period, your sleep, your sex drive, your moods, your digestion, your fertility, your energy — every single scene in your life depends on them.

I’m currently studying under Dr. Aviva Romm, and she described hormones as the leading cast of the show of your life. That line stuck with me. Because it made me realize: women have been so medicalized, that many of us don’t even know who’s in the cast… let alone what role they play.

We’re told our bodies are broken. That PMS is just our curse. That irregular cycles, heavy bleeding, mood swings, fatigue, or weight changes are just “women’s problems” that need the pill, or ten different prescriptions, or whatever supplement an influencer is selling. But here’s the truth: your body isn’t broken. It’s sending cues. It doesn’t need to be shut down — it needs to be understood.

So that’s what we’re doing today. We’re stripping back the confusion, ditching the medical jargon, and breaking it down in a way that actually makes sense: your hormones as a Broadway show. When the signals are clear, the production flows seamlessly. But when the call lines get crossed? That’s when the script goes sideways — fatigue, acne, cycle chaos, anxiety, weight changes, and all the other “mystery symptoms” that leave you feeling out of sync.

The Playbill

Your Leading Ladies

Estrogen: The star. Lights, camera, action. She shapes puberty, fuels your cycle, supports your skin and mood, boosts confidence, and yes, she makes you magnetic (Especially when your ovulating). But give her too much stage time and she’ll take over the entire show.

Progesterone: The steady co-star. She keeps estrogen from burning the whole production down, calms your nervous system, protects your brain, and smooths out the drama. (She’s chill)

Testosterone: The powerhouse choreographer. She builds muscle, strengthens bones, fires up your libido, and gives you that bold “I can do this” energy.

The Supporting Roles

Cortisol: The stage manager. Without her, the show doesn’t run. But under too much pressure, she can go crazy. And no one can stand her.

Thyroid Hormones: The crew setting the pace. They keep your metabolism, energy, and mood in rhythm. When they lag, the whole production slows.

Melatonin: The lighting tech. Signals when it’s curtain call for sleep and when it’s time to rise again.

Insulin: The caterer. Moves sugar into the cells so the cast has enough energy to keep performing.

Curtain Call

The truth that Instagram won’t tell you is that hormones aren’t meant to be “balanced” like some perfect little scale. They’re more like a cast of actors. They are dramatic, interconnected, and occasionally a hot mess. One star screws up her lines, and suddenly the whole scene is thrown off.

That’s why “balancing” your hormones isn’t about buying powders or hopping on a supplement trend. It’s about taking care of the entire production: eating real food, resting, moving your body, managing stress, and actually paying attention to the cues your body is sending. Some nights, the show is flawless. Other nights, the lighting sucks, the stage falls apart, or the lead actress decides to not perform. That doesn’t mean the show is canceled. It means adjustments are needed backstage. And your body knows this and can do it for you…with a little support of course.

So next time you hear someone chirp “balance your hormones” on TikTok? Remember: the real story isn’t a one-click purchase. It’s a whole ass Broadway production. And your body deserves more than an influencer’s sales pitch that they got paid thousands of dollars for and have no idea what they are even saying (clearly you can tell this get’s me worked up). It deserves a director who actually knows what they’re doing. And if you haven’t caught on by now… the director is you.

Now you’ve got a script, and not another sales pitch.

xoxo

Olivia Jade