Jaded Issue #28

---

2025 wellness was… a lot.
Everyone was either regulating their cortisol, draining their lymph with tools I’ve never seen before, tapping their face, drinking liquid fiber, or pretending green powder was a full meal. It was the year of “I heard this on TikTok so now it’s my whole personality.”

So here we go — the real, unfiltered breakdown of what actually mattered, what was chaos, and what we absolutely do not need to drag into the new year.

Let’s begin…

---

Cortisol Face: OUT

“Cortisol face” had a chokehold on the internet for like six months. Every girl was convinced her jawline droop was from one stressful email.

Cute in theory. Not real.

What is real? The impact of chronic stress on inflammation, sleep, metabolism, and mood. But micromanaging your hormones like a day trader?

No.
2026 energy:
Walk. Eat. Sleep. Touch sunlight. Drink water. Be a human.
We’re done spiraling.

Lymphatic Drainage: IN

But acting like dry brushing alone will save your life? Out.

Your lymph moves when you move.
Walking = drainage.
Breathing = drainage.
Not sitting like a shrimp for 9 hours = drainage.

Massage tools are cute. Movement is the magic.

GLP-1 Everything: Situational

Yes, GLP-1 meds help certain people.
No, not everyone needs semaglutide because they were bloated after brunch.

The general public can start with:

• fiber
• protein
• fruits and vegetables
• walking after meals
• eating actual meals instead of caffeine + vibes

Natural GLP-1 support exists — it’s just not as sexy as an injection.

The Protein Craze: VERY Much IN

This one? I’ll die on this hill.

Women finally ate enough protein in 2025 and guess what — they felt good.
Mood? Better.
Hair? Thicker.
Muscle? Present.

We’re keeping this. Forever. Non-negotiable.

Digestive Enzymes: IN (With Boundaries)

People were taking them like candy.
But they’re helpful when used wisely.
Not recreationally.

Use them for:

• heavy meals
• sluggish digestion
• actual symptoms

Not because your favorite influencer said “this cured my bloating in 6 minutes.”

Castor Oil: Cute, Cozy, Not Required

Castor oil was the coconut oil of 2025.
It has benefits — especially for constipation and general detox support —
But necessary? Not really.

It’s a “do if you want,” not a “do or die.”

Seed Cycling: EH

Wholesome. Harmless. Not life-changing. Don’t have much to say on this one.

Cycle Syncing: YES

Actually useful.
Actually empowering.
Actually makes sense.

We’re keeping this forever.

Low-Intensity Workouts: IN, But Not The Whole Personality

I love pilates. I love walks. I love gentle movement.
But you cannot walk your way to muscle.

Low intensity stays — as a tool, not the entire fitness plan.

Mocktails: IN, Forever

The “I don’t drink anymore” wave was aggressive but the mocktail recipes?
A highlight.

Mocktails are:

• cute
• fun
• social
• no hangover
• no questionable decisions

2026 = sober-ish girls in their soft era.
(But yes… margaritas stay.)

Prebiotic Sodas: Good Swap, Not Life-Changing

They’re fun. They’re tasty. They’re expensive fiber juice.

If they help you quit soda? Amazing.
If not? You’re drinking $4 sparkling water with vibes.

Green Powders: OUT (Bless Their Hearts)

The delusion that green powders replace fruits and vegetables… wow.

Scientifically speaking:

• They lose a ton of vitamins during processing.
• Antioxidants degrade with heat, light, and time (aka everything that happens before you open the tub).
• Most contain tiny, ineffective doses of trendy ingredients.
• Fiber? Barely there.
• GI side effects? A journey.

Women reported:

• bloating
• gas
• nausea
• sprinting to the bathroom like it’s their morning workout

We’re done.

Eat spinach. Eat berries. Eat real food.
Green powders had their moment. It’s over.

Colostrum: Cute, Not Life-Changing

Colostrum had a huge glow-up in 2025.
Benefits?

• Supports gut lining
• May help immunity
• Contains growth factors

But…
Is it necessary? No.
Is it a miracle? Definitely not.
Could it be helpful for someone constantly sick or working on gut repair? Sure.
But it’s more “nice to have” than “you need this or else.”

Infrared Saunas & Red Light: YES x100

These deliver.
Recovery, mood, hormones, skin — all backed by actual research.

They’re coming with me. Proudly. No sarcasm.

Hydration: IN

Yes, drink water. Stay hydrated.
But electrolytes every 3 hours? Not neccesary.

I prefer natural hydration:

• coconut water
• citrus
• mineral-rich foods

Use electrolyte packets when you actually need them.

Collagen + Creatine: IN

Not a miracle — but absolutely helpful when used consistently.
Joints, skin, muscles, hair, gut… solid support.

She stays.

---

What We’re Bringing Into 2026

• protein (duh)
• red light + infrared
• real lymphatic habits
• mocktails
• cycle syncing
• balanced blood sugar
• hydration
• movement that matches your hormones
• digestive support when needed

What We’re Leaving Behind

• cortisol panic
• green powder delusion
• trend hopping
• fear-based wellness
• supplements you don’t need
• $400 gadgets that do nothing
• the “one thing fixes everything” fantasy

---

If you’ve noticed… I’m a basics girl.
Whole foods, movement, sleep, stress management — that will always be the foundation I stand for.
But some of these tools, trends, and products can genuinely support your wellness when used with intention instead of obsession.

And honestly? These were only a few of the trends that took over 2025.
The wellness world is never quiet — but I’ll always help you sift through the noise.

Take what serves you and leave the rest behind. 

xoxo, Olivia Jade